well, this is it. in about 5 hours, i begin my butt-long trek to japan. my bags are packed and my room is subsequently a wreck. i suppose i should try and get a bit of sleep.

God, i hope everything turns out all right. i'm missing an old 97's show for this.
Sunday, June 17, 2001.11:48 p.m.:



josh and leah were married today. it was absolutely beautiful, and i'm so ridiculously happy for the two of them. i pray that God blesses them indeed. and i keep telling myself that someday i'll find love like that too.

on the way home from atlanta tonight, i rolled down my window, put back my sun roof, drove faster than i should have, and blasted my radio as i sang at the top of my lungs about breathing and being somewhere in between.

all in all, it's been a pretty good day. and now to pack...
Saturday, June 16, 2001.11:04 p.m.:



well well well. here's an interesting and rather amusing tidbit. this morning, i was looking around goateestyle.com and found an entry about a silly mario brothers flash. i checked it out, had a good laugh, and a few minutes ago, thought to show it to my brother.

and my brother starts laughing and comes up to say, "i never told you about these guys?" *blink blink* huh? according to chris, the guys who do the song are group x (friends of his "childhood star" friend). they did a commercial for 99x once upon a time, and get this, it's a group of white boys who pose as arabian rap stars! *falls over laughing* go check out the group x site!
Thursday, June 14, 2001.01:38 p.m.:



while i was away in the faculty dining center eating lunch with my bro, someone revred the admin pc, which erased my wallpaper that i put up this morning of jason wade. so as i was putting it up a second time, inspiration struck:

hmm... maybe i'm just being a wee-bit too obsessive about lifehouse lately. well, rollingstone.com has some good concert shots of the group.
Thursday, June 14, 2001.01:11 p.m.:



well someone's looking out for my well-being.

right after i finished that entry of tossing to and fro, lo and behold, in walks damian (who i thought was still in spain) to give me a hug and ask me how things were going. *amazement*

and then there is always my group of lovely co-workers around to tell me not to worry, give me a hug, and assure me everything will be fine.

it's not such a horrid day after all.
Thursday, June 14, 2001.11:40 a.m.:



4 more days until i leave for japan. (warning: lots of worrying and fretting and tossing to and fro ahead)

*realization of going to japan again slowly starts to creep in*

if i were in the habit of chewing my fingernails (which incidentally have gotten rather long since i haven't been climbing in quite some time), i'd be down to the stubs by now. i live in constant fear of having to take the oral proficiency interview the day after i arrive in tokyo - this test will either make or break me because i absolutely have to do well enough to get placed in the second level class.

and then there are the other little fears to obsess over as well: what if my host family doesn't like me? what if the whole trip just goes bad? what if i can't overcome my shyness of speaking in japanese? what if i lose my film? and so on and so on. added stress also comes from the fact that not only do i have to pack for japan in the next couple of days, but i have to pack everything up that needs to be taken to my dorm (since i'm getting back two days after the semester starts), make sure that i straighten out all university related fiascos, and make it to a wedding on saturday.

and to top it all off, i was browsing the pitas members' page and came across this girl's weblog. after reading around for a minute, i find that she's in the middle of her own two month stay in japan. her current entry talks about her first experience in a used book store (book off), which made me very nostalgic, because my eyes lit up in much the same way the first time i stepped into one.

admittedly, i had a lot of fun in japan the first time. but after rereading my trip journal from '98, i realize that there were things that i didn't like about japan that i halfway fear will crop up this second go round.

it's a brand new experience all over again, and i just feel really unsure of myself. but getting out of one's comfort zone is good, right?

maybe it's time i started chewing my nails.
Thursday, June 14, 2001.10:32 a.m.:



something must be cracked up with my fragile psyche. i've been having the weirdest dreams lately, and seeing as how all i had to eat yesterday was an eggroll, some fried rice, and a clif bar, i cannot attribute last night's dream to bad food. here's what happened:

a group of my friends (including one guy who is a chef downtown in real life, who i shall refer to as "david" ~lacey, stop laughing!) and i were all at a fancy restaurant enjoying dinner. the restaurant had some interesting decor - large, spacious, lots of fountains everywhere, and a stream that ran around the entire space which contained alligators (maybe crocodiles?) in its depths. also lots of soft lighting that was kinda washed in blue. very nice, indeed. there was even a large snake in a cage off in the corner - i'm talking swallow your mamma huge.

after dinner, we all wound up at the movie theater. apparently, the movie had not started yet, because we were all sitting around talking and such about various and sundry things when news arrives that the crocodiles (alligators) and large snake have broken out of their confinements.

oh no! whatever shall we do?!

"david" jumps up at hearing the news, says something about having to take care of the problem, and proceeds to run off, presumably back to the restaurant. i quickly jump up to follow.

he must run a lot faster than i, because i arrive on the scene about 15 minutes after he does. i stop at the entrance to the restaurant to survey the carnage. "david" is standing atop a table, bodies of dead alligators (crocodiles?) litter the floor beneath him, and a very large "i could eat you alive" snake lies dead off to one side. however, there are still a large horde of crocodiles (alligators?) swarming "david" so i let out a loud yell in order to distract them from him.

real smart, seeing as how i have no weapon (oops!)

half of the creatures break off and head in my direction, and then one of them starts taunting me! how rude! "what, you're gonna kill me with your bare hands?" he snorts. i fume, and then jump onto the roof of my car (yes, my car has magically appeared inside the restaurant), slam down my foot on the trunk, which springs open, and reach in to pull out a rather long katana sword. (go figure...)

"no, i'm gonna kill you with this," i reply, and then proceed to run the whole lot of them through with my sword, in a very cheesy action movie sort of way. "david" finishes dispatching his lot of alligators (crocodiles?) and we smile at each other as we stand victorious.

and that's it. i really don't understand why i dreamed that, in fact am slightly disturbed that i dreamed that. very strange.
Wednesday, June 13, 2001.10:43 a.m.:





ever had the hankering for a samurai chicken sandwich? well neither have i until now. visit ninja burger and get your fill of everything ninja could want. don't worry, wasabi comes with everything. and don't forget the cola: you will drink cola, or you will DIE!


before 05.15.2001
05.15.2001 - 06.06.2001
06.06.2001 - 06.13.2001



feeling
sitting
listening
watching
reading
playing
waiting
hoping
needing

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tired
in my chair
ewan mcgregor
vh1
n/a
parasite eve
to sleep
for dreams
motivation









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2001 stephanie fullbright
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